Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary.
We met in church. I've known him since I was 11 and he was 15. We were married by the pastor who baptized me. We got married 10 years after we met, so at this point, I've been married to him for almost half my life.
We are definitely not a case of love at first sight (like I said, I was 11 when we met) or opposites attract. We had a lot in common to begin with. Our moms were both elementary school teachers, our dads were both in law enforcement. And there are the silly things; he and my dad are both Gemini, his mom and I are both Sagittarius.
We don't disagree about much. All of the stuff you're supposed to talk about before you get married? None of it was an issue. There was never a question about how to handle money, (we didn't have any) we both wanted kids, there certainly wasn't a question about anyone obeying anyone in the vows. He didn't even care about the whole name thing. He said it makes no sense for a woman to have to give up the name she's had all her life just because she marries some guy. (How can you argue with that logic?)
He is great with the kids, always has been. There's no "who does more with the kids" fussing in our home.
The man cracks me up. The stuff he comes up with sometimes is hilarious. He can match me snark for snark eye roll for eye roll.
He also just lets me be. I can't think of a time when he hasn't been all for something I was serious about doing. Except for cursing out people who likely needed it. He's talked me down from that a few times.
He's also good at the "yes, dear." When I need to rant about something he lets me rant, without interruption. He's let me cry about things even when I'm trying hard not to. He doesn't try to fix things for me, he helps me fix things.
I have to wonder sometimes what other people go through. I knew someone who asked me what I would do if I had to distract my kids from my drunk husband. I couldn't answer, I have no frame of reference for that. He plays video games. Once when I started to fuss about that, he said he doesn't drink or stay out in the streets, he just plays video games. Again, how do you argue with that?
The other thing I wonder about? Jennifer Lopez. We're the same age. She just wrapped up her third marriage. My one has lasted longer than all three of hers combined. How does that happen? I know money may not buy happiness, but you would think it would pay off things most people fight and break up about.
So I have no advice, no secrets, no wisdom to offer about marriage. Maybe I'm just lucky, blessed, whatever it is, I'm not going to question it at this point.
The one thing I have no question about? He is a great guy. A good man. And I love him.